PROMO FOR
THE BLOODY APE

THE ARAM KATCHER VIDEO RESUME (19??)

Aram Katcher was, apparently, at one time, a working actor. The most famous of his roles was, as far as I could tell, a guest appearance on "I Dream of Jeannie" portraying Napoleon Bonaparte. It was all downhill from there and now Aram is trying to position himself as an avant garde actor, director, writer, you name it, just sign the check. Aram Katcher does it all, but none of it very well. The result is a 4-hour fever dream of old film footage and new videotaped sequences shot in Aram's house. All this footage is cut back and forth with no rhyme or reason with as many video special effects as he could afford, whether they made any sense or not. Aram displays the editing and pacing sensibilities of a kid with Attention Deficit Disorder, often cutting away from a scene in progress to something he showed fifteen minutes back, then jumping back to two minutes before he first cut away and so on... and on.

Throughout, you'll notice the recurring proclamation that he is "the reincarnation of Peter Lorre." His insistence of this "fact," despite the real fact that Aram was born while Peter Lorre was still alive, culminates in his music video "The Man with the Peter Lorre Eyes" and his self-produced rip-off of Fritz Lang's film "M" entitled "The Vampire of Dusseldorf" in its head-spinning entirety.

Now, "M" was a brilliant and still very creepy German film about a child muderer, based on real-life events, starring Peter Lorre, the unfortunate object of Aram's affection. Aram's version is set in modern-day Los Angeles, where he plays a child murderer who drives an ice cream truck dressed as a French clown named "Pierrot." Peter Lorre was creepily convincing in "M" because he was a great actor. Aram Katcher is creepily convincing in "The Vampire of Dusseldorf" because he's creepy. When not dressed as a clown, he's actually dressed in his Peter Lorre "M" Halloween costume, wandering around a crowded playgound, sweating too much to be explained by the heat, scoping out his next "victim." It's a wonder he never got arrested because you get the sinking feeling that the parents of the children he talks to and walks away with on camera were never informed as to what was going on.

After that bit of nastiness is over, you'll thrill to his pitch for a film of Aram's own conception called "Get Omar" starring himself and Eddie Murphy, complete with theme song (who do you think wrote it?)

I must mention that the final sequence of this "long, strange trip" involves Aram playing some sort of Egyptian tomb raider (the "tomb" is actually Aram's home, as is evidenced by the air-conditioner on the wall in the background and the sarcophagus constructed entirely of sofa cushions) and you will... I repeat, you WILL see Aram Katcher's ass. If you feel dizzy, just put your head down and wait for the sensation to pass.

Aram Katcher died in 1998. It can only be assumed that Peter Lorre was then reincarnated as somebody else. Let's hope he used better judgment this time.